Erica has struck on something that, I think, marks the difference between the Jesus I see in Orthodoxy and the Jesus I've always expected to see (having been raise a Protestant and having been, for a time, a Neo-Pagan).
The practical Jesus of Erica's post is very much a Protestant. He uses what is to hand because that's what's there. He rides a foal of an ass because that's what's there, in town, and uses bread and wine for communion because that's what's there, in the culture.
Later this Jesus will bless with his presence 30 minute worship services, and praise bands: that's what's there. He'll bless the Women's Study Bible and the Men's Study Bible and the Teen's Study Bible and the Teen Challenge Study Bible and the Teen Extreme Study Bible and the Scofield Study Bible -- each one using their ideas (because that's what's there) and thus carving the body of Christ into another niche... This practical Jesus loves it when the Youth Group gets "cool" and has a communion service with potato chips and Pepsi.
This practical Jesus knows that a man has needs, you know. He'd never frown on me for having sex in a loving manner. Equally (and ironically) this Jesus knows that Grape Juice is better: those silly ancients didn't understand that alcohol might lead to, well... you know. It is no mere coincidence that this Jesus later founded the Temperance movement.
This practical Jesus seems to cringe at Orthodox Cultures where folks don't slave their lives away, where there is time for rest and celebration. Where poverty (by American Standards) is nearly the norm, but where Joy (by Christian standards) is not oppressed by work schedules or cultural expectations; where the widow's mite is the standard of giving, but where the offering might take two hours to collect and include dancing. And they drink Vodka!
Jesus the Practical Carpenter was also a staple of the newage Pagan world: we knew that Jesus was a wise teacher. We all longed to be able to turn daily events into stories of heavenly import. We all tried, too: this Pizza, this Gatorade, they are holy too. Everything is holy, indeed: you are god/dess in your holiness. Why would such a practical deity waste divinity on himself alone? if a carpenter can be god, so can a tech support person, or a flight attendant. The kitchen is equally as holy as that place you go to once a week: wouldn't it be more practical to just pray together at home?
Don't get me wrong: this Jesus (Pagan and Protestant) celebrates too. Practical people do, you know. They take a few moments of Sabath rest here and there. That's part of the Practical Work Ethic.
The Jesus Erica talks about is the only one I've ever known.
Until becoming Orthodox.
The Orthodox worship a Jesus who never did anything by accident, who healed certain people in the Gospel stories not because those were the ones' brought to him, but to make certain points; where the foal of an ass and the bread and the wine were to hand not because they were cultural expectations but because Jesus, as God, made choices to put those things to hand. The Creator of the Universe in human flesh can do that. He can fulfill prophecies as a first-choice so that others may see the signs.
He sat up the Jewish Culture from the beginning of the Covenant so that it would wait for Him - in fact *all* cultures were so designed. The entire universe was patterned so that God in the flesh could enter it and free it. Whole empires were anointed by Him to make His actions easier to see, easier to understand, easier to pass along. Yet his practicality is not human practicality. Were *I* god, I think I'd just wave a few hands around and reshape things to my liking. Why waste eternity setting them up so that one virgin child's "no" in one sleepy little back water town might ruin everything?
This totally unpractical Jesus invaded enemy territory by Himself to rescue all those who believe in Him and not a few who don't. This unearthly Jesus teaches some acutely impractical things like give everything you have and then keep giving until you die: and you will live. This amazingly impractical Jesus sat with twelve men on a hillside and started a Church that would change the world within 300 years. Think about that: how stupid is that as a plan? In the middle of a culture that treated sick by tossing them out of the house, or that left baby girls to die on the hill side - all in the name of practicality, of course - Jesus said, No: every life is valuable, every person is God's child and every person is called to live as if that is true.
What a mess! Over population, charity-driven poverty, resistance to the Government by virtue of a simple credo (we can't believe you are god, therefore we are seditious), politically motivated persecution...
And the world changes.
This Jesus dances in Golden Light every Sunday. He is calling us all to His Kingdom which is, even now, broken in upon us like an Easter Sunrise, casting lights of gold and rose on all the walls while we sing "Christ the Lord is Risen Today" in the chilly air. The Kingdom of Heaven has come, and it is not at all practical. It is covered in gold and jewels, its trees offer different kinds of fruit every month of the year, and the lights are always on.
This Jesus used bread and wine because in all cultures bread and wine are the clearest symbol of food and celebration. Potato Chips and Pepsi are not only not joyful, but they are unhealthy. Pizza is not the staff of Life. Gatorade only means joy after a football game on the wining side. Wine, however, in every place but practical, American (tea-totaling) protestant culture, means joy.
This Jesus celebrates not as a break from life but because celebration is life: only in making Eucharist in all things, are we living. Joy even in sorrow means we are alive. As (protestant but unpractical and mostly patristic) Wesley said in his commentary on James 1:2, "My brethren, count it all joy - Which is the highest degree of patience, and contains all the rest."
Only in America would we imagine a God who poured Himself out in Love for our salvation would be practical. Only in America would we think that practical god better than the Extravagant Gushing Fountain of Light that we're offered.